Shipping Vendetta

So as Jay and everyone predicted, I got my ass handed to me on a plate of pity. That's the straight truth. You would think that it would be so damn simple to roll a ball down a lane that isn't even 30 yards long, but I guess not. I think John and I dominated the most when we bowled in each other's lanes. From the opposite side of the ball return. Domination.

So here-in starts the personal war, a vendetta if you will, against those slackers over at DHL shipping. Backstory. I ordered a puzzle one week ago. They had charged about $8 for shipping, which is pathetic, and said that the puzzle would take 8 days to get to my door. So Monday morning I start tracking my order, and to my surprise, it was in Fargo! So I'm thinking that I will get to enjoy the product that I purchased a little early. Fuck No! Here it is Thursday afternoon and I'm about ready to burn something down. The building is within 20 minutes of me at the absolute longest drving time and under the worst conditions and the very maximum. What are these lazy shriners doing with my puzzle? If I knew it was going to be this bad, I would have driven to the factory myself, picked it up, not paid the shipping, and left a mildly angry letter with a receptionist. BUT NO! When I get done with school today (which is too long) I am stopping at Happy Harry's Bottle Shop, buying a case of beer, going home and sitting on my front steps (despite the rain, I don't give a shit) and waiting for the lucky delivery man who gets to bring me my package.

I will never buy anything from anyone if I know they are shipping with DHL and I suggest everyone do the same.

One time I bought tickets on Ticketmaster so they send me stuff constantly. I usually check it out even though Ticketmaster is a tad over-priced. Turns out Hellogoodbye is coming to Playmakers on May 16th. I am so excited about this I almost shit. It is like an end-of-the-school-year-present just for me. The only downfall that I can forsee is the snotty, punk-ass, underage, dumb-asses that will surely be there. Looks like I will be drinking the $8 beers and enjoying a lofted view.

I can't wait to start golfing.

So turns out I have to take one more class than usual because you need 37 credits of 300-400 level classes. Each class is 3 credits. You do the math. 37/3 doesn't work out so you end up having to take 1 more credit. Jews. Cool.

On top of that, I have decided to take Anatomy this summer. I can't wait. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 12:00 to 1:30pm for 4 weeks straight as soon as school gets out. This will be a true test for me because when I know there is a beautifully green golf course awaiting my presence, it will be quite difficult to study let alone actually learn anything. I have heard that the summer classes are a little bit easier, so let us all cross our fingers and hope for the best.

I just found out I am sitting in on a computer class during class time. I guess the teacher was making jokes about me when I was listening to my iPod. What a yatch.

My metal mouth is coming along nicely these days. I have completed 9 months out of 16, so it is almost over. I'm excited. I'm thinking about having a party after it is all over and I get my braces off. I will serve food that is high in sugar and bad for your teeth. Then I will invite all my friends with horrible teeth to make me feel better. That will show them all.

I'm reading Labyrinth by Kate Moses right now. Despite the jumping story and slightly slow plot, it is becoming quite a read. The story really started to pick up when Alice got knocked out after learning the secrets from her father. Speaking of books, the cover for the final Harry Potter book has been released and I couldn't be happier. I am also sad at the same time because it is like the end of an era. So like all things it too must end.

It is almost Easter and I can't wait to get out of town again. We are going out to Dickinson again and it will be the first time that I actually hit up both sides of the family and cash in on all the good food. Plus it was 75 degrees out there last Sunday and I was the dumbass who didn't bring his golf clubs with. All I can say is that I won't make the same mistake twice. O yeah and Dad get ready cause it's gonna be a battle.

Well that's about all for now.
I'm off. Boycott DHL (those gypsies)

Home

Well I got home fine from my trip. I'm in the process of typing out a big story of everything that I did there and hopefully I will have some way of putting it on here. Be patient my son. It is a little more than disappointing to come home to cold weather. I know if I cross my fingers it'll be over soon. Well I think that jetlag has cured me of my crazy sleeping habbits. Thank you Northwest Airlines. I was glad that I remembered to put in my miles card when checking in because I got about 6,000 miles for flying there and back. I think I can buy a coffee mug with it all.

No sooner did we get home and the homework is again creeping up to my neck with outstretched fingers looking for an air-tunnel to collapse. Welcome Home.

Spring Break

Well here I am and we have less than 5 hours until we leave for London for Spring Break. I'm getting excited to say the least. This week was like an older brother holding you down and torturing you until you piss yourself, which just happens to be 5 minutes before your whole family comes over for Christmas Dinner. I never thought that I would be the type of person to go on a spring break trip. I always picture girls like "Spring Break Girl" on Saturday Night Live walking around and contracting every disease in the book, as well as a few new ones. Why is spring break such a stereotypical whore fest for fraternity/sorority people? I think the ugly MTV monster has planted a seed of profit for themselves. I mean with all the shows they make during this time, I bet it really helps them to collect add revenue.

Teachers just like to pile stuff on right before you leave. I guess I would have a huge test at 4:00 on Friday for my students if I was a teacher just to mess their plans up. I got lucky because all my classes today got cancelled.Yesterday I had 2 of my classes cancelled as well. In Art History, which I really like, we had about 20 scholars out of 100 show up. Our teacher had a movie planned which was about the art and architecture of castles during the medevil time period. She took a vote of who wanted to stay and who wanted to watch the video. I was the only one who enjoys castles I guess.

I don't have a suitcase of my own, so for this trip I had to borrow one. I had one from one of Paige's friend, but she needed it for the same reason I did. I was at work so I asked Bri. She said yes, and after 2 days of forgetting to bring it and me calling her several times, I was the proud temporary owner of a BRIGHT PURPLE SUITCASE! Paige thought it was appropriate that I tie a neon pink ribbon on it in order to find it better. As if bright purple isn't enough! Won't be surprised if I get my ass beat.

Wednesday night I went to a conert. It was Gojira, Machine Head, Trivium, and Lamb of God. There was a certain element of joy because this was the first concert I could drink at. It was a totally different experience. I will tell you that loud music, ugly punk-asses with amazingly odd hair with insame ammounts of hair gel, and themes of death are alive and well in the world. Someone spilled a beer on me from the balcony. Cool.

When I was driving home a couple days ago, I notice a stretch Hummer limo parked outside a Taco Johns. I was glad that there was a red traffic light next to it because it gave me time to look at the hillbilly wedding party of 8 grabbing all the Potato Ole's they could get their hands on. Looks like they blew all their money on their car, kinda like mexicans.

Hacker and I recently went to the Sportsmans Show at the dome. It was quite amazing to see all the booths and shit people had over-priced and ready to sell. They had everything that an outdoorsman could want. We even walked in on a dog show that would have put Westminster to shame. It think the best of show award should have gone to this monster that I could have ridden like a horse. A few days after the show, I got a call from this booth that we signed up for "free" trips to Florida at. Turns out it was a huge scam because Hacker got a call about an hour after I did, and it turns out they are charging $300 for free trips these days. Free just keeps getting cheaper and cheaper.

I told the guys I live with last night that if I die, they must have a golf-off match for all of my stuff. I also told them to play more guitar, golf more, and have a few drinks here and there. Only upon their agreement did I say I loved them.

I had to buy a bunch of mini travel things for this trip. One thing I thought I would try out was this set of bags that allowed you to press all the air out like a vaccum sealer. Now coming from Target, I didnt get my hopes too high, but turns out they work very well. I fit way more stuff in my homo-like suitcase. While pressing all the air out of my bag, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to place my head in there. I was also thinking about calling The Food Saver people and asking them whats up, cause clearly Target isn't half bad.

Being a huge Peter Pan fan, (wish I could fight, fly, and crow, not to mention kick Dustin Hoffman's ass) I couldn't help but wish I was going back home to London to see Granny Wendy in her bed telling me to REMEMBER who I was and to go back to Neverland and rescue my kids. I realized why they call it Neverland. Not matter how much I believe in it, wish I could go there, or jump off window sills hoping to fly, I know I will never get there. I guess I quote Weezer in saying- "Only In Dreams"

I am off to shower and try puke up the butterflies who made my stomach their home. I am very much excited (not) for the 16 hour plan ride from Minneapolis to London. Please run about in a big area, eating delicious food, singing beautiful songs, and laugh out loud. Just take 5 minutes to think about my cramped-in-a-seat-about-two-sizes-too-small-for-anyone ass.

London Awaits.

Tests

Here is a truth that has been bothering me recently. College tests outside of your major really take a toil on your ability to care about them. I am being taught by a teacher who knows what he talks about, but like to over-emphasize everything in a guttural over-exagerated German accent that sends spit flying well into the 3rd row of class. That's right I actually sit in the front so I can attempt to gain something from his class. So far I've only learned to say things in German, and bad German at that.

I'm not saying he is a bad guy though. I immensly enjoy his poorly colored hair that hangs in front of his eyes funny, and is constantly being tossed aside with little point. Did I mention his sweaters? Wow. Carnies at carnivals are envious.

Anyway I am attempting to cram 3 weeks of questionable information into a night and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it has been turned off until further notice. Maybe I should climb a stalagmite and hope for a flood. Again I place my hope in the snow that continues to fall. Maybe the snow will give me a chance to study over the weekend.

A Snowy Day of Disappointment

It snowed enough last night and this morning for two of my wonderful teachers to miss class therefore ensuring I was the only one in class and looking like a complete loser. Thank you. Sincerly. I can only cross my fingers and hope that this will not be 3 for 3. I'm off to listen to a teacher I consider to be all together worthless. He speaks with such a terrible meter and tone that you would rather drop heavy weights on your throat until it's structure is nonexistent. Which is sort of hypocritical because he tells us that this is not such a good idea! So much for student teachers who obviously never took a public communication class!

This also makes me wonder if any of these student teachers have been observed by people higher up in their departments or if they are given the reigns like a snotty rich kid getting his first car at age 14, which was 3 years too late according to him. Or maybe some student teachers just dont know how shitty they are. Anyone who took history with me would remember Jeff. I just am thankful that his parents are such loving and kind people. Who else would tolerate their 35 year old son living at home, eating their food, paying none of the bills, and never doing their own laundry?

Last night me and DaVinci finished the Mona Lisa and we found out the secrets to her mystery.

Good old Leo got hold of some opium from his "buddy" Carl (who said it was good clean stuff, the kind kids like) and fooled around with his paint set for a few hours. Upon waking up, he noticed a fairly ugly portrait of a woman and a dead hooker on his bed. After dumping the body in a dumpster, he told the picture not to tell anyone. Guess everyone was wrong about why she is smiling!

I'm off to bleed from the ears.